Architecture Is Indeed An Irony Of Life.

I realized this back during my junior year in my college. I’m the kind of architecture student who focuses more on planning the entire circulation of a building in order to create a better solution for a certain design problem. I’ve been good at doing floor plans and it is always my forte as an architecture student. I thought that being a good planner in architecture would also mean that I’ll be good at planning certain things in my life.

But it was actually a mistake. You know, sometimes, we come to a point in our life where we tend to believe how good we are at something may solve or help us to control things in our life. Just when you think that you can plan things ahead of you like preparing for a perfect date, scheduling trips with your friends, eating in a restaurant with a perfect food, or anticipating for a perfect day, it goes along with the opposite. I remember back in my last year in college where I already passed my thesis, like everything is well planned already. Passed the thesis. Dating someone special. Having great time in my college life. I was already living my life the way I intended it. I thought things are in the zone. Then I found out that the girl I’m dating cheated on me. It was a hurtful moment for me to know that when things are in very good terms, something is wrong with that. Like the saying, when it is too good to be true, it’s not true. True story. I already had a lot of plans for us after college, but just like that everything was lost in the midst of nowhere.

We became so frustrated and disappointed with what we have done and end up putting the blame to ourselves. We tend to look for perfection but we just kept on having a lot of failure.  It leaves us with so much anxiety and depression because we expected something better and we worked hard for it but it never happened. So you’ll tell yourself that did everything right, that you followed the instructions. And ask God, where you’ve been wrong in that part? The truth is we are never wrong with what we choose or the decisions we’ve made. The wrong thing that we did was to believe that perfection exists in a world of imperfection. There’s no such thing as  undo in real life and mistakes do occur and we can never avoid it. You can have a life full of shit. It’s a thing about life. We’ll never predict what’s going to happen in the future. We can’t design our lives like what an architect does to a buildings and other structures. Let it be, it’ll design itself. In architecture, we create shelters for people to live. Houses that are fully designed based on what the architect wanted to happen and it was achieved because that’s the purpose of architecture. But our own life is different from that. This is called living and living means that you’ll need to be surprised on the things that will sooner come. You just need to be prepared but you can’t control what’s going to come. It’s a rule of nature. The most important thing only that we can hold on is to believe that things will always be better than it will ever be.

Retrospek

 

1. Ngayong araw na ito ang araw ay babalik ako sa mga lumang pangayayaring nagdala sa akin sa isang karanasang hindi ko inisip na maaring maging dahilan upang ang kinabukasan ko ay magkaroon ng malinaw at konkretong daan.

 

2. Ngayong araw na ito maaring nagkakilala tayo. Maaring sa mga panahong ito hindi pa rin malinaw sa akin kung bakit ikaw at bakit ako ang pinagtagpo sa pagkakataong hindi natin pinili at inasahan.

 

3. Marami tayong naging pagkakapareho sa isa’t isa kaya naman hindi tayo nauubusan ng kung anumang pwedeng mapagusapan sa ilalim ng mga bituin at bilog na buwan. Lagi tayong magkasama sa lahat ng lugar na may kinalaman sa arkitektura, mga gusaling kapag naalala ko ay ikaw yung unang pumapasok sa isip ko.

 

4. Ngayong araw na ito, napagtanto ko na masakit din pala minsan na kapag naririnig mo yung pinakapaboritong kanta mo, napapatingin na lang ka na lang sa kawalan at napapaisip na bakit sa ba mundo  mas tumatatak sa utak natin yung mga hindi inaasahan.

 

5. May mga simpleng pagtatalo din tayo na alam ko palagi na maayos din. Mga simpleng usapan na bigla na lang nating pagtatalunan , eh kaso mahal kita kaya sa huli ako naman yung nagpapatalo,

 

6. Ngayong araw na ito tiningnan kong muli yung mga lumang litrato mo na nagpapaalala ng maganda mong ngiti, yung mga mga mata mong nagbibigay ng malalim na pakahulugan at yung ginagawa mong paglalagay sa bibig ko ng kung ano anong pagkain kapag nagkwekwento ako ng bago at makabuluhan. Ngayong araw na ito ito naalala ko yung pagkakataong nagtagpo ang tingin natin sa kawalan at doon ko napagtanto, nung nakita ko yung mga bilog mong mata na nagbibigay sa akin ng saya, na alam kong ikaw ang pinakamalaking trahedyang maaring mangyari sa buhay ko.

 

7. Alam ko kung gaano kalayo yung pangarap natin. Sabi mo nga na sabay tayong magiging arkitekto diba. Sabi mo na wag akong mangamba sa hinaharap kasi ito ay puno ng pag-asa at wag akong pumirme sa nakaraan na wala naming dinulot sa akin kundi mapait na karanasan.

 

8. Ngunit sumuko ako sa pangako natin, hindi ko kinaya ang hirap. Sarili ko yung inisip ko sa mga panahon na yun. Hindi ako nakinig sa’yo kahit sinasabi mong kaya natin tong malagpasan. Masyado kong nagpaskop sa paniniwalang nakakatakot ang hinaharap at puno ito ng mga halimaw na kakain sa’yo dahil alam nilang takot ka.

 

9. Ikaw na pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko, binitiwan ko dahil akala ko mas mainam na mag-isa na lang. Minsan nagkakamali pala talaga tayo.

 

10. At handa na akong itama iyon, ayusin yung hindi natin natapos at linisin yung mga gusot na ang aking ginawa. Gusto ko sanang bawiin yung mga palitan natin ng mga mapapait na salita na unang mong narinig sa akin at tumatak sa sa iyo ng lubusan kasi hindi mo din ito inasahan.

 

11. Pero huli na ang lahat, ikaw naman yung bumitaw……….

 

12. Bumalik agad sa isip ko yung lahat ng mga pagkakataong hawak ko yung kamay mo. Nakasandal ka sa balikat ko at natutulog. Walang malay sa mundo. Isang babaeng punong puno ng tiwala sa akin.

 

13. Bumalik agad sa isip ko yung araw na sinabi ko sa’yo na hindi tayo susuko sa lahat ng bagay na maaring dumating sa buhay natin.

 

14. Bumalik agad sa isip ko yung alala nung sinabi mo sa akin na wag kitang iwan dahil ayaw mo din mapag-isa.

 

15. At bumalik muli sa aking pag-iisip ang pagtatanto na ang isa sa pinakamahalagang bagay na binigay sa akin ay sadyang sinayang ko ng ganun-ganun na lamang ba

 

16. At bumalik sa alaala ko yung huling tawag na natanggap ko mula sa iyo na may mensaheng hindi nais marinig.

 

17. Ang pagibig ay isang uri ng konseptong abstrak. At naging madalas ang mga gabi ko na nakahiga lang ako sa kwarto na mag-isa at hawak ko yung unan na alam kong hindi na magiging ikaw, at naririnig ko na rin yung mga yabag na hindi na sa’yo.

 

18. Sinubukan ko pa rin naman ayusin yung buhay ko. Ngayon na yung simula nun. Sabi mo rin kasi sakin diba na yung nakakaraan ay may malaking parte sa kung ano tayo sa hinaharap. Sabi mo na kung gusto mong maging maayos yung kinabukasan mo, balikan mo muna yung mga bagay na nagpapa-alala sa yo kung gaano kaganda mabuhay sa isang mundong puno ng pag-sa. Sabi mo na yung mga magagandang alala yung nagsisilbing pundasyon ng isang bagong umaga

 

19. Natutunan ko ang buhay dahil sa’yo

 

20. Kaya ngayong araw na ito ang araw ay babalik ako sa mga lumang pangayayaring nagdala sa akin sa isang karanasang hindi ko inisip na maaring maging direksiyon upang ang kinabukasan ko ay magkaroon ng malinaw at konkretong daan.

…….Ng hindi ka na kasama..

Our Version of McLaren’s Pub

 

If there’s a word that would explain my whole college experience in architecture school, it would be “hypnagogic”. It’s like going through a series unrequited feelings, adventures and struggles. We did have a lot of fun especially during the all-nighter weeks where we are fighting these so-called sleep in order to accomplish our plates. We did a lot of crazy antics and all these stuffs that ordinary students would never think of. And by the way, we’re seniors but we still do all these shit.

We had these rituals during our “Happy Thursday” where we go to the bar called “Tapsi” and hangout there, have some beer and smoke (yeah we do smoke, but moderately). This is our version of HIMYM’s McLaren’s Pub. Some of us sing in front of everybody since there is a Videoke in the bar. All the songs that we sang along together during those nights were all memorable for me. I still remember one time when one of my friend started to sing “Chicsilog” by Kamikazee and everyone started to join him singing especially in the chorus part. I like the part where we changed the lyrics “ako’y nahulog” into “babaeng may itlog”. Most of the nights are wasted nights (it happened to me one time that I was so drunk and I kept on saying that we’re on McDonald’s and not Jolibee but we’re actually in Jolibee. It never occur again). I also had these nights were we compromised early subjects in the next day for the sake of our enjoyment and ended up being sleepy in classes or even “sabog or sabaw” because of the hangover. I guess I still never did had any regrets of doing that.

College life is short. So we need to understand that there is always a time for everything. You can still get good grades or pass the exams while having fun. Thesis will be coming in the final year so when you have the opportunity to enjoy and have a good time, then grab it. You’ll never regret the things you have done but instead all the things you never did. And at least you can even share it to your children in the future, that once in your life, you had an awesome college life.

 

When You Realize That College Life Will Be Over Sooner

Last night I was reminiscing with all the things that happened in my college life. It’s been like 5 years and I’m already in my 5^th year of studying architecture. I feel like everything is already starting to come and go. I’m in my internship program right now in summer. Thesis will start in June and I’m already worried of what I’m gonna be proposing. It’s my last year in college right now and I’m caught between the feelings of the need to graduate because your parents are already spending a lot of money for you to study and the sadness because I will leave this school sooner which gave me the best years of my life. So I never know. I’m jammed into a conclusion that someday, the people around me will be gone and I’ll be all alone. It’s the hardest thing you’ll experience when your need and your happiness aren’t in the same way.

After college, life will change little bit. Some the things that most of us do will be minimized because of the works that made us busy. The 9 to 5 routine will gonna be a part of our entity in the next 10 to 20 years. It’s like everything will happen again and again and again. You wake up, you go to work, and if there’s overtime, you’ll go home late. You sleep. You eat. Your Friday becomes your source happiness and the Sunday night becomes your misery. We’ll have this so-called Manic Monday where it’s hard to wake up at 6 am. You see friends maybe sometimes or sooner never. The concept of having a lot of money but less time will actually happen during this years. And all of us will start to think about having our own family. Buying a house. A car. Investments. Business. Most of us we’ll be having different agendas that only ourselves will understand why we choose that path. Some of us will be successful, some will be just be mediocre and some will find another career that they lately realized that it was what they really love.Even though how much we love our job. No matter how we are passionate with what we are doing, we will still come to this point where we get tired with all of these. Where we’ll say to ourselves that “hey, I need to get rest sometimes, I’ve done a lot for the past years”.  This makes us human. We do have an expiration date at everything. But you know what makes us strong? It is the memories with all of the people we shared. All the Happiness, sadness, misery, and struggle. This all made us hold on to and keep us on moving forward.

“….The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and partners in crime you loved so much when you’re young. As the years go by, you just lose touch.” When I first heard this quote by Ted Mosby, I realized that it was true that for some of us after graduating college will never kept on the same track and may lost from it. Although there will still be reunions, or get-together or gatherings that you may see your friends it won’t still last for a life time. But what Teddy Westside has taught me it is that “when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it”. And I’m forever grateful to have these people. So for now, at this very moment, we should invest on memories. Memories that will never be like a photograph. Something that will never fade. Spend our time in the best quality we could offer. Act crazy. Do things without thinking. Party harder. Drink with the best beer together with the best people. Be wasted. Get high. Burn a car. Have a road trip. Travel. Learn more about things in life. Fall in love.  Never worry about the future because at the end of the day, when things happen the way it did, we’ll just think that maybe it was the right decision that we ever made. Or the wrong one. But that will always be okay.

A Lot of Walks to Remember

Another interesting thing about you is the fact that you really did enjoyed walking. I mean for a girl like you, it’s something that is not usual. Most of the girls I knew hated it when they are already walking for a very long distance because it’s very tiring and strenuous to their beauty. But you are one of the exception.

I still even remember that day when we did a walking trip where we visited churches and other historical edifices in the city. It was one of the happiest day of my life. I still recall the moment where we share some fun facts on the buildings that we pass by. You always believe in some of what I’ve said even though it’s not really accurate at all.                                                

“I really like the style of this building.” I said.

“What building?” you replied.

“That one that is made of pure concrete. The brutalist structure, besides the other building that looks like some kind of a spaceship”

“Oh, the one besides the UFO building?”

“Exactly.”

“Oh, it looks good actually. You’ve got a good taste in architecture. But why’d you like it?”

“Coz I love how the design of that building was created in a very cognitive approach. From its rigid configuration and the massive structural component of that supports the whole building. It symbolizes persistence.”

“What?” you surprisingly said while smiling.

“That building, it kind of reminds me about the past which is full of dreams, plans and anticipation to a future that is always promised but we’ll never know if we’ll end up being successful or a total failure. Like this building, time has already eaten up its existence but it never gave up in showing its beauty no matter how people forget it, there are still few that captures its magnificence”

“Explain it in two words, please.” you said.

“It’s hauntingly beautiful” I answered.

That moment when I looked into your eyes, I saw a bright yet unclear future version of us. It’s something that is ineffable at the second. I thought it was just some sort of delirious imagination because we’re bit a hungry when we talked about that. Or maybe it’s something that hits when you know it already and you felt it for the first time.

I should have said this to you back then,

“You are damned hauntingly beautiful.”

Those words are accurate of its definition. But I never did. Sorry.

“BIBLIOPHILE”

It was back in December 17, 2014 when we first met. You liked books the way I loved them. The reciprocity of our interest was already there and it may be the reason why we became so close to each other. And that’s how it all started. The beginning of an ending.

“Hey, do you read also John Green’s book?” my first question that I asked you.

“Yeah, I love the way he writes his stories and he’s funny.” You said.

“But you know, I really hate it now that he’s bit famous and everybody’s reading his craft these days” I told her.

“And why?”

“Coz’ I liked him first, I started reading his books back when nobody even cares and that’s not fair. Fuck those wave riders.”

“Actually you’re right. But those people who only love something because everybody loves it, I think we can’t do nothing about them anymore.”

I still remember the first time I saw your face. You’re damn beautiful. And it felt like there’s this thing in me that wants me to know more you. You had this element of mystery. And I was trying to make our history.

The next days were like the best conversation of my life. We talked about everything. From literature to architecture. Movies. Science. Philosophy. And Life.

“When did you started reading books?” you asked me.

“I can’t remember the first book I’ve read but I started reading when I started learning how to read. So technically it was like 17 years ago.” I replied.

So you’re just 3 when you first read? That’s genius.” She said

No I’m not. It’s just normal I guess so. And by the way, it was a requirement.”

“Requirement from what?”

“In surviving the reality? I guess so” I said.

I liked the way how you think about things. Like how you interpret the stories that you’ve read while I’m listening. Like how your voice sounded like a baritone voice little girl. You are such a very detailed story-teller which I really did liked about you. How you described everything in your stories always do became vivid to me in a very unimaginable way. Like how you see life in a perspective that nobody ever tries to look for and how I feel when we talk about everything under the stars without getting the boredom that I always notice with everyone that I had talked to. And how my true personality comes out when I’m always with you. Maybe that’s how unique you are and I will always miss that.

the lebenslangerschicksalsschartz curse

coffee, to-geaux please.

I’m not quite sure where to begin. These thoughts have been trickling down and around my ears and I can’t really hear anything else, so it’s time for me to write it down. I’m sure it’s going to be circular and may not make much sense. A common character trait (or flaw?) of my writing process and thought process in general, which is sometimes helpful, but mostly annoying.

After having one of many long conversations with on of my soul-sisters (yes, I have adopted this word and use it freely and I don’t care how trite it makes me sound) I haven’t been able to stop thinking aboutlebenslangerschicksalsschartz.I don’t know if the word is real or not, if it is an actual German translation of something whimsy and lovely or if it’s just some random string of letters smashed together to convey an obscure emotion by the…

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10 Reasons why Everyone should be a Ted Mosby

How to Survive Modern Dating

How I Met Your Mother is one of my all time favorite TV shows. The characters are easy to relate to, and the episodes are jam-packed with fantastic life lessons. Ted Mosby, the main character, offers some of the best advice throughout the series. Here are a few of the best tips that everyone should mimic:

1. A Ted Mosby understands that timing is everything.  

Love often doesn’t work out because it’s not the right time. Maybe you’re starting school, moving away, getting a job, or just don’t fully know yourself yet. Either way, timing can make or break a relationship. Patience is key and is often rewarded with a love that is legend – (wait for it) – dary!

2. A Ted Mosby realizes that everyone makes mistakes.

That person your searching for isn’t going to be a flawless saint, but then again neither are you. You’re going to…

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Thoughts of a blogger—as told by Barney Stinson.

We all have these thoughts/moments as bloggers and Barney Stinson relays them beautifully.

That moment when something totally worth writing about happens.

Then when you sit down to write it, you get totally distracted…

…like every 5 seconds and you start to think you’ll never be able to write the post

So you give yourself a pep talk.

Then you have that “Aha! Moment”.

Suddenly you’re on a roll.

You get a few really good paragraphs, so you cheer yourself on more vigorously.

You decide to proofread those paragraphs; you know to make sure they actuallyare good.

But then you start to get distracted again, so you draft that bitch.

You give yourself a break, check Facebook etc. but still continue to check yourself.

You proof-read again, but think you may need a second opinion, so you copy/paste a “really good” paragraph and text it to your closest friend…

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Dilemma

I just realized that for the past few days of my life was all about anticipation, I kept on thinking how my future would be defined by the way I create it. I feel like I always do worry about what will happen in tomorrow and the following days. It is a bit hard for me to easily avoid the fact that being obsessed with the future is already a part of my whole entity. And everything started to be called existence. But I do pray to live.